Dumbarton Football Club - Sons of the Rock 1872

Scapegoat

Scapegoat - poem by Stephen Watt, DFC poet in residence.

he's got the touch of an elephant
he looks like some unethical human experiment
he's not even the best player in his own family
he defends with the tightness of an oral cavity
he's got a heid like a fifty pence piece
he charges like a breach of the peace
he's just a fat Eddie Murphy
he's got bigger tits than Liz Hurley
if he was on a stamp, I wouldn't know which side to spit
he is the antithesis of Real Madrid
he strikes like a sodden matchbox
he couldn't get the ball off you in a phone box
his goals are rarer than unicorn skin

did he just score that?

I'm naming my new-born after him.